Ok! New post already! But, it's not a drunk post. Pretty much I have been thinking, and it's not a good thing for me to do, but it eventually leads to results.
My stories, though sometimes funny, are REALLY long.
.....That's what she said.
Also, shots don't affect (effect?) people right away.
So! I have a new timeline to write things....to.
It will now be 55 minutes (technically).
I write for 5 minutes, then take a shot, then wait five minutes to let said shot sink in, then write for five minutes, etc.
If you don't understand, then let me tell you that I will be taking a shot at the 5, 15, 25, 35, and 45 minute marker.
Also, I will only be writing for a combined 30 minutes (possibly 25, haven't done the complete math yet), instead of an hour. Thus making for shorter stories.
Hopefully I will be able to do more stories now.
Also, I need stronger alcohol. I had no hang over the following day on that last one.
Unacceptable.
Until next time!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Suggestion: Fairy Journal
Young Bartholomew was sleeping soundly within his bed chambers when out of nowhere there was a,
THUMP!
He arose, startled at such a sudden sound. Listening carefully he tried to make out where it came from. But, it did not happen again. Assuming it to be the wind (though there was none) he quietly went back to sleep.
THUMP!
There it was again. It definitely was not his imagination. Determined to find out where it was coming from, Bartholomew got out of his bed, threw on his night robes, and waited. Waited, for what, he was not sure of, but he waited.
Yet, still nothing happened. He was about to go back to bed when,
THUMP!
It was from down the corridor!
Swiftly he ran out to where he had thought the noise had been produced. But, eventually just ran into the dead end of the hallway. Luckily, once at the dead end the noise came again.
Merlin! It was so obvious, Bartholomew thought. Of course the castle magician would be making strange noises in the middle of the night.
Down the stairs he went, as fast as his night robes could take him. He eventually came to be outside the green, shimmering door that opened to Merlin's laboratory.
Now, of course Merlin had taken precautions so as to not have anybody just saunter in while he's working on a new potion, or spell, or dance. Bartholomew knew this, of course, for in the past he was turned into a toad ('How cliche', he thought when it happened) when trying to enter.
But, this was no time to worry. Clearly there was something big happening, and he wanted to be a part of it. Bartholomew took a few steps back, ready to charge and break down the door when,
THUMP!
It was not coming from inside Merlin's lab. It was not coming from inside at all.
'A Giant?' Bartholomew pondered as he still stood outside Merlin's door.
[Shot Taken]
Already wide awake, Bartholomew took a deep breath and made the decision to find this Giant. A decision that only the bravest (or foolish) would dare to make.
Of course, night robes were of no use when confronting a Giant. So, Bartholomew returned to his chambers and armor-suited up. (This was no ordinary armor, though. Merlin made it special for Bartholomew. It could withstand pressures up to 100 times normal armor could. Which was barely enough to get by if a Giant decided to sit on you).
Of course this had to be a stealth mission, as Bartholomew's mother, Queen Isdrela, would sentence him to Merlin's dream realm for several days as punishment if she found out.
But, of course the reward for Giant slayer was worth the risk of the dream realm (almost worth the risk of death. Of which there was plenty).
Choosing the quietest horse was an easy task (it was obviously Pensche), but finding the way towards the Giant was not as much. It was at this moment that Bartholomew realized he had not heard a-
THUMP!
Pensche sped off toward the sound. The fastest the horse had ever run before. It's as if it was drawn to the sound. As if, like a magnet, it pulled the horse closer to it. Of course, this world knew no such thing as magnets.
Time passed, as it does. Still no sign of the Giant. There were thumps here and there, but never where Bartholomew was headed.
'Perhaps this Giant is quick, and disperses his noise so no one may find him,' Bartholomew wondered aloud to Pensche. Pensche, of course, did not respond, but rather ran on; wherever his master would lead him.
Sun was starting to rise. It came slowly over the hills.
[Shot Taken]
The noises have all but died off. As if the sun turned them to stone, much like the fabled gargoyles.
Defeated, Bartholomew started his journey back to his castle. Back home...
Which was nowhere to be seen in the distance.
He wondered, 'How far have I traveled? Which direction is the wat home? Why didn't I take Merlin's Guide to Personal Stocks invention?' Of course there were many stocks, which Bartholomew owned, that would have been good to be guided to.
In the end, he had to get home. In one way or another. So, he chose a way...then chose another. for hours he went on. Slowly getting to another open field, that looked unfamiliar ('How many empty parcels of land can there be?')
Tired, whithered, hungry. Bartholomew, when the sun was straight above, decided to find some nourishment. there were berries, and critters to eat (Pensche stuck to the berries and stayed away from the critters), but nothing was truly appetizing. It did not replenish Bartholomew's spirits.
As slowly as the sun had risen, it eventually began to fall, once more. Bartholomew, having only eaten berries and critters, was slightly delirious, and decided to make way to a cave in the distance. Which, of course, is the best location to hide out, and rest. Provided there are no bears, or dragons, hiding within.
Now, it's not uncommon to come upon a resting bear, or dragon, within a cave. But, what is uncommon is what Bartholomew found in this particular one.
THUMP!
The noise.
THUM!
It was here.
THUMP!
It seemed...peaceful up close.
thump.
It was joined by a light.
thmp.
Then warmth.
th-
[Shot Taken]
It disappeared. Into the ether. But, so did the world. Pensche would neigh. But, it was so far away. I t was as if teh horse was in a different world. As if it had gone back home.
Home?
Bartholomew felt at home. warm. in the light. what was this ligt?
It was a fairy.
Of course it was a fairy.
The Giants moved out long ago. It couldn't have been them.
The fairy made a noise, which attracted one person.
Bartholomew.
Obviously.
He was ther.
He had found the fairy (who was quite elusive, and looked strangely like Cher).
"If I could turn back time," sang the fairy. Rather it talked, but every word uttered sounded like a song.
" I would find a way, to stop your mother from receiving power over the provinance-nation."
That's what their land, the one Bartholomew was heir to (if his sistr, hilda, died), was called.
It rang loud and clear, revertbarating bewteen Barthoomew's ears. Bouncing back and forth, aas if made frm rubber (which was not invented yet, in this world, but would be in a few hundered years).
Bartholomew must kill his mother.
What would his father think of this? ('Oh right, he's already dead. Held on to the Holy Hand Grenade for too long.')
the warmth, and light, was gone. As was the fairy. Pesche was still by Bartholomew's side, and it had become day once more. But, Bartholomew knew exactly where he was going this time.
Home.
To kill.
His mother.
The ride home was nothing special. Just some more critters and berries. (Pensche ate some grass as well as berries this time.)
Once home, Bartholomew, made his way up the spiral stairs. Past the portrait of the singing fat lady. Down the hall, to Queen Iselda's room.
He stopped.
ten crept.
If he died while trying to kill his mtoher, he thought, then the fairy would surely bring him back to life. all faireis did that.
[Shot Taken]
they did not all do that, actually. For one was with him in the cave (but it wasn't the main one). This was a fiary of reason, of guidance. IT knew what the big Cher fairy kn had in mind for Barholomew. it knew that ie wanted to kill Varholomew's mother for destrouing the Cher fairy village.
There was a whole village of cher fairys fairies. and it was a...weir, kinda creepy village. That's for another story.
Bartholomew crept slocloer to his mom's corridor, room, and eventually, room/ It was night. Upon the bookshelf, laid against her bed, laid a kinfe. It was a normal knife. Merlin didn't fuck with it. It was magical in the sense that it could stab people.
Why she kept it so close to her bed. When an earthquake could just make it fall on her and kill her, i don't know. But, this was provenance-natin. Not california. They did not worry about earthquakes.
Hjust giants.
Bartholomew took the knife and raised it above his head when,
"HEY, LISTEN!"
A voice rang out. It was Navi. (Of course there's a zelda reference)
Navi told Bartholomew not to stabe his mom. It wouldn't do any good. Rather, he should head back to the cher fairy and stab her. Because, she's a bitch.
fuck, this sotry is lone. long. not lone. there's another on before it.
Who has read this far?
I still have anotehr shot.
fuck.
Batholomew thought about this.
Hr liked navi.
He never rreally got annoyed by her.
Seriously, I dind't mind her much.
Neither did Bartholomew.
Back to the cave!!!!!!!
Where was the cave.
Only pensche knew. Asnd bartholomew took a ride on penchse. all the way to the cave.
Where the Cher fairy lived.
Arrival. He dispmounted pensche. Took no time at all.
The horse knew where it was going.
There was more than cher there. there was also sting. as well as georgre wendt. People whose names had verbs in them (Is went a verb?).
Clearly these three were the masterminds to a downfall of provincance-nation. (fuck it).
[Shot Taken]
dagger drawn, and ready to cut some frakking throats., beartholomew went after cher. and missed. but, somewhoe got geofrge wendyt.
Norm!
he's dead.
Like amy winehouse.
Too soon?
Whatever.
Bartholomew suddenly noticed that he had to pee. (longest ten minutes ever_
It was then that he ealized, that his stream of justice would be handy against cher. For, it was once noted in peastant magazine that cher fairies would metl at golden water. so he unleashed. theatre unleashed.
the stream grazed her, and she started smoking. then growing shorter. then...wlell you all have seen the qizard of oz.
it's like that. But, grsser. like, she also started popping blood vessels. and at one point a homeless dog came out of er corpes. but not a cute one. a really ugly one. it also took a dump n her. anbody else seeing this?
the spell was broken!!
The Giant family suddenly grew to normal size (it was their last name. see that coming? I'm like m night motherfucking shamamamamalan.)
finally, it was stings turn. But, the Police came and took care of him (pun_ after noticing waht batrthomlewa was doing. whaich was awesome stuff.
the reign of terror from these three verbage 8-s con's had finally ended. it was enough to make a grown man cry....which i did not do.
on the drive back home (on pensche), prschre, bartholomerw...no, he is also known as bart.he chouls hae had a ormla name. picked up somepizza. because why tnot?
he met his mom. she was a live. continued foreard. hugged her and stuff.
This is a long story.
it eneded happy.
But then a demone came out!
I still have two minutes
fuck i goatta pee.
need to modfiy this blog.
who is at the end?
howard stern is over rated.
one miunes.
bartholomew hugged his mom.
the queen...whats her name.
together they made a beauftiful provinance nation.
It bacems the united states of aerica.
THE END!!!!!!!
nope.
I want a 3DS.
THE ENDD!!!
THUMP!
He arose, startled at such a sudden sound. Listening carefully he tried to make out where it came from. But, it did not happen again. Assuming it to be the wind (though there was none) he quietly went back to sleep.
THUMP!
There it was again. It definitely was not his imagination. Determined to find out where it was coming from, Bartholomew got out of his bed, threw on his night robes, and waited. Waited, for what, he was not sure of, but he waited.
Yet, still nothing happened. He was about to go back to bed when,
THUMP!
It was from down the corridor!
Swiftly he ran out to where he had thought the noise had been produced. But, eventually just ran into the dead end of the hallway. Luckily, once at the dead end the noise came again.
Merlin! It was so obvious, Bartholomew thought. Of course the castle magician would be making strange noises in the middle of the night.
Down the stairs he went, as fast as his night robes could take him. He eventually came to be outside the green, shimmering door that opened to Merlin's laboratory.
Now, of course Merlin had taken precautions so as to not have anybody just saunter in while he's working on a new potion, or spell, or dance. Bartholomew knew this, of course, for in the past he was turned into a toad ('How cliche', he thought when it happened) when trying to enter.
But, this was no time to worry. Clearly there was something big happening, and he wanted to be a part of it. Bartholomew took a few steps back, ready to charge and break down the door when,
THUMP!
It was not coming from inside Merlin's lab. It was not coming from inside at all.
'A Giant?' Bartholomew pondered as he still stood outside Merlin's door.
[Shot Taken]
Already wide awake, Bartholomew took a deep breath and made the decision to find this Giant. A decision that only the bravest (or foolish) would dare to make.
Of course, night robes were of no use when confronting a Giant. So, Bartholomew returned to his chambers and armor-suited up. (This was no ordinary armor, though. Merlin made it special for Bartholomew. It could withstand pressures up to 100 times normal armor could. Which was barely enough to get by if a Giant decided to sit on you).
Of course this had to be a stealth mission, as Bartholomew's mother, Queen Isdrela, would sentence him to Merlin's dream realm for several days as punishment if she found out.
But, of course the reward for Giant slayer was worth the risk of the dream realm (almost worth the risk of death. Of which there was plenty).
Choosing the quietest horse was an easy task (it was obviously Pensche), but finding the way towards the Giant was not as much. It was at this moment that Bartholomew realized he had not heard a-
THUMP!
Pensche sped off toward the sound. The fastest the horse had ever run before. It's as if it was drawn to the sound. As if, like a magnet, it pulled the horse closer to it. Of course, this world knew no such thing as magnets.
Time passed, as it does. Still no sign of the Giant. There were thumps here and there, but never where Bartholomew was headed.
'Perhaps this Giant is quick, and disperses his noise so no one may find him,' Bartholomew wondered aloud to Pensche. Pensche, of course, did not respond, but rather ran on; wherever his master would lead him.
Sun was starting to rise. It came slowly over the hills.
[Shot Taken]
The noises have all but died off. As if the sun turned them to stone, much like the fabled gargoyles.
Defeated, Bartholomew started his journey back to his castle. Back home...
Which was nowhere to be seen in the distance.
He wondered, 'How far have I traveled? Which direction is the wat home? Why didn't I take Merlin's Guide to Personal Stocks invention?' Of course there were many stocks, which Bartholomew owned, that would have been good to be guided to.
In the end, he had to get home. In one way or another. So, he chose a way...then chose another. for hours he went on. Slowly getting to another open field, that looked unfamiliar ('How many empty parcels of land can there be?')
Tired, whithered, hungry. Bartholomew, when the sun was straight above, decided to find some nourishment. there were berries, and critters to eat (Pensche stuck to the berries and stayed away from the critters), but nothing was truly appetizing. It did not replenish Bartholomew's spirits.
As slowly as the sun had risen, it eventually began to fall, once more. Bartholomew, having only eaten berries and critters, was slightly delirious, and decided to make way to a cave in the distance. Which, of course, is the best location to hide out, and rest. Provided there are no bears, or dragons, hiding within.
Now, it's not uncommon to come upon a resting bear, or dragon, within a cave. But, what is uncommon is what Bartholomew found in this particular one.
THUMP!
The noise.
THUM!
It was here.
THUMP!
It seemed...peaceful up close.
thump.
It was joined by a light.
thmp.
Then warmth.
th-
[Shot Taken]
It disappeared. Into the ether. But, so did the world. Pensche would neigh. But, it was so far away. I t was as if teh horse was in a different world. As if it had gone back home.
Home?
Bartholomew felt at home. warm. in the light. what was this ligt?
It was a fairy.
Of course it was a fairy.
The Giants moved out long ago. It couldn't have been them.
The fairy made a noise, which attracted one person.
Bartholomew.
Obviously.
He was ther.
He had found the fairy (who was quite elusive, and looked strangely like Cher).
"If I could turn back time," sang the fairy. Rather it talked, but every word uttered sounded like a song.
" I would find a way, to stop your mother from receiving power over the provinance-nation."
That's what their land, the one Bartholomew was heir to (if his sistr, hilda, died), was called.
It rang loud and clear, revertbarating bewteen Barthoomew's ears. Bouncing back and forth, aas if made frm rubber (which was not invented yet, in this world, but would be in a few hundered years).
Bartholomew must kill his mother.
What would his father think of this? ('Oh right, he's already dead. Held on to the Holy Hand Grenade for too long.')
the warmth, and light, was gone. As was the fairy. Pesche was still by Bartholomew's side, and it had become day once more. But, Bartholomew knew exactly where he was going this time.
Home.
To kill.
His mother.
The ride home was nothing special. Just some more critters and berries. (Pensche ate some grass as well as berries this time.)
Once home, Bartholomew, made his way up the spiral stairs. Past the portrait of the singing fat lady. Down the hall, to Queen Iselda's room.
He stopped.
ten crept.
If he died while trying to kill his mtoher, he thought, then the fairy would surely bring him back to life. all faireis did that.
[Shot Taken]
they did not all do that, actually. For one was with him in the cave (but it wasn't the main one). This was a fiary of reason, of guidance. IT knew what the big Cher fairy kn had in mind for Barholomew. it knew that ie wanted to kill Varholomew's mother for destrouing the Cher fairy village.
There was a whole village of cher fairys fairies. and it was a...weir, kinda creepy village. That's for another story.
Bartholomew crept slocloer to his mom's corridor, room, and eventually, room/ It was night. Upon the bookshelf, laid against her bed, laid a kinfe. It was a normal knife. Merlin didn't fuck with it. It was magical in the sense that it could stab people.
Why she kept it so close to her bed. When an earthquake could just make it fall on her and kill her, i don't know. But, this was provenance-natin. Not california. They did not worry about earthquakes.
Hjust giants.
Bartholomew took the knife and raised it above his head when,
"HEY, LISTEN!"
A voice rang out. It was Navi. (Of course there's a zelda reference)
Navi told Bartholomew not to stabe his mom. It wouldn't do any good. Rather, he should head back to the cher fairy and stab her. Because, she's a bitch.
fuck, this sotry is lone. long. not lone. there's another on before it.
Who has read this far?
I still have anotehr shot.
fuck.
Batholomew thought about this.
Hr liked navi.
He never rreally got annoyed by her.
Seriously, I dind't mind her much.
Neither did Bartholomew.
Back to the cave!!!!!!!
Where was the cave.
Only pensche knew. Asnd bartholomew took a ride on penchse. all the way to the cave.
Where the Cher fairy lived.
Arrival. He dispmounted pensche. Took no time at all.
The horse knew where it was going.
There was more than cher there. there was also sting. as well as georgre wendt. People whose names had verbs in them (Is went a verb?).
Clearly these three were the masterminds to a downfall of provincance-nation. (fuck it).
[Shot Taken]
dagger drawn, and ready to cut some frakking throats., beartholomew went after cher. and missed. but, somewhoe got geofrge wendyt.
Norm!
he's dead.
Like amy winehouse.
Too soon?
Whatever.
Bartholomew suddenly noticed that he had to pee. (longest ten minutes ever_
It was then that he ealized, that his stream of justice would be handy against cher. For, it was once noted in peastant magazine that cher fairies would metl at golden water. so he unleashed. theatre unleashed.
the stream grazed her, and she started smoking. then growing shorter. then...wlell you all have seen the qizard of oz.
it's like that. But, grsser. like, she also started popping blood vessels. and at one point a homeless dog came out of er corpes. but not a cute one. a really ugly one. it also took a dump n her. anbody else seeing this?
the spell was broken!!
The Giant family suddenly grew to normal size (it was their last name. see that coming? I'm like m night motherfucking shamamamamalan.)
finally, it was stings turn. But, the Police came and took care of him (pun_ after noticing waht batrthomlewa was doing. whaich was awesome stuff.
the reign of terror from these three verbage 8-s con's had finally ended. it was enough to make a grown man cry....which i did not do.
on the drive back home (on pensche), prschre, bartholomerw...no, he is also known as bart.he chouls hae had a ormla name. picked up somepizza. because why tnot?
he met his mom. she was a live. continued foreard. hugged her and stuff.
This is a long story.
it eneded happy.
But then a demone came out!
I still have two minutes
fuck i goatta pee.
need to modfiy this blog.
who is at the end?
howard stern is over rated.
one miunes.
bartholomew hugged his mom.
the queen...whats her name.
together they made a beauftiful provinance nation.
It bacems the united states of aerica.
THE END!!!!!!!
nope.
I want a 3DS.
THE ENDD!!!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Suggestion: Ice Cream
Wednesday morning. Clear skies and already 89 degrees. Jimmy was not pleased with how warm it was and cursed every single sheet on his bed, which ended up being only a single thin one by the morning. Heading downstairs he heard his mother calling from the breakfast table. Breakfast consisted of eggs and bacon, each extremely hot and difficult to eat. The stove on which these were cooked added a good 7 degrees into the kitchen and adjoining dining room. This was not a good way to start the day, thought Jimmy.
After the scorching breakfast Jimmy threw on some board shorts and short sleeve plain white shirt, hoping that the thin layers would help cool him down. There had to be a way to deal with the heat of one intense Summer. Once he opened the door he was immediately knocked down by a gust of pure, molten heat. However, Jimmy was on a mission and could not be stopped by a mere force of nature, so he ventured forth.
First thought was the pool. His home lacking one he headed over to a park which is frequently inhabited by urinating children. Jimmy, however, was willing to take that chance if it meant he could be cooled in even the tiniest amount. Upon arrival, however, something was very odd. There were people at the park, but there was nobody in the pool. Further inspection revealed to him that the pool gate was locked with a sign that said, "Water Stolen Sincerely, The Management."
"What the...." Jimmy muttered aloud.
[Shot Taken]
Defeated, he quickly started to head back home, but was stopped when he saw a Rite-Aid. Ice cream!! Of course, it was so obvious! Rushing in Jimmy went straight for a scoop of his favorite, vanilla. He enjoyed the simplicity of it. However, once he reached the ice cream stand he noticed yet another sign: "Ice Cream Stolen Sincerely, The Management."
Well, then perhaps not a scoop but a whole container, so he rushed to where the cartons of ice cream are held. However, the exact same sign as before was taped upon the glass doors.
"This isn't fair," Jimmy thought. "How are these things stolen, I have to find them or else.....die? Yeah, I may die." It was just as soon as he finished this thought that he noticed something on the ground...something shiny. Jimmy was one to pick up shiny objects, and this was no different. It was a coin...but not an American coin. This coin was gold and green, and scribed upon it were the words, "Ai Laik Aik". Confused, Jimmy sauntered out of the Rite-Aid, hotter than ever, and staring at the coin.
He was no more than a yard away from the exit than he bumped into a tall man in a large, black trench coat. This bump was not unpleasant, however, for a cool breeze came over Jimmy when his body collided with the trench-coated man. This was the first refreshing sense Jimmy had received all day. Jimmy made his apologies to the man and started heading back home...or so he wanted the man to think. Curious about the breeze, he waited for the man to enter the Rite-Aid then Jimmy followed him, making sure not to be seen. Unfortunately, Jimmy had to try extra hard because his shirt was bright white and his shorts were of Hawaiian print.
[Shot Taken]
Staying at least 3 yards behind the man, Jimmy harnessed his voice lessons and made sure to breathe deep, so the man would not hear his breath. All the way to the deli, Jimmy followed the tall and ominous figure, noticing along the way that there were no water bottles for sale, nor ice, nor anything of a cooling nature.
In the deli section, the man stopped, Jimmy stopped and hid, the man looked around. However, Jimmy was much too quick for him and the man noticed nothing. He then turned back around, while Jimmy took up his courage and peeked around the corner, staring. The man lifted his hand, and as it escaped from the trench coat, Jimmy noticed two things. One, that the man's hand was purple with golden fingernails, and two, that he dropped a coin into the salami section that looked similar to the one Jimmy found, yet it was also purple and gold.
A door opened! Where did this door come from? Who knows. But, once the man stepped in and the door closed again, Jimmy set out to re-open it and find out what is going on! In Jimmy's mind, 'Eye of the Tiger' started to play as he dropped the coin into the salami. He waited...then, the door opened once more. The door brought with it a breeze that chilled Jimmy to the very bone, yet did not make him cold. He stepped inside and descended the stairs.
Of course, Jimmy was no fool, so he crept along slowly always watching his front and back. Who knows who could be here or coming here. At the bottom of the stairs he found an alcove with a little hole in it, which was perfect for spying...almost too perfect. But, Jimmy actually was kind of a fool, so he snuck into there. What he witnessed was a horrifying, yet pleasant sight. There was a whole chasm of water, next to a whole chasm of ice cream, followed by an entire chasm of soda and other bottled drinks (such as water, juice, and V8).
Feeling cocky, and noticing nobody around, he decided to get some ice cream and perhaps a soda or two (or 5). Sneakily, Jimmy crosse the shadowy field and ended up right in front of the chasm of ice cream. There were sherbets, sorbets
[Shot Taken],
and various creams. Indeed it looked like the most glorious chasm Jimmy had ever seen (though he hadn't seen very many chasms). He spent no time wasted on staring, however, and quickly started scooping various flavors into his mouth. Vanilla among them.
"Enjoying yourself?" whispered a voice that made him jump nearly out of his skin. For behind Jimmy was the man in the trench coat...but, not. This man's hands were silver and brown (gross looking).
"Carl! You let one in!" said the same man who froze Jimmy to the spot with terror.
Carl, the man with purple and gold hands, came up and said, "Oh....shit....."
Jimmy was in deep shit and he knew it. Before this the worse thing that had happened to him was accidentally getting an erection in gym. Which is embarassing, but not life threatening. Jimmy's mind raced and wondered what was gonna happen to him, but decided not run, like a sane person would have done. Instead he mustered up his courage once more and yelled (though in reality it was a voice-crackingly whimper), "Why did you still everything refreshing!?"
"My Boy," said Carl, who was clearly a douche, "that has nothing to do with you. Why don't you go home, forget about this, and play some Donkey Kong Country or whatever?"
"No! I'm hot and uncomfortable, and other people are as well! And, well, this is quite bullshit!" Jimmy couldn't even believe what he was saying. It felt like he was channeling Carol Channing or something. ALthough, who knows how much she cussed. Probably not a lot. So, maybe he wasn't channeling her. Who knows. But, he was fucked. He knew it. Carl knew it. Third guy knew it.
However, soon another, more soothing and feminine voice came from within the shadows. She was wearing a trench coat, but it was more form fitting. It made Jimmy think of that one time in gym....
"You found my coin, didn't you?" she asked Jimmy.
"What?" Jimmy sputtered, unable to articulate with his instant want of this voice. However, after a moment, he noticed her hands, which were green and gold. Similar to the coin he dropped in the salami.
[Shot Taken]
"Holy shit! That was your;s!' Jimmy accidently splurted out.
"Yes, it was. I left it for someone to find. To be refreshed. To...never leave and stay with us."
"Well...I guess that means I can have ice cream?" Jimmy was losing all articulation and intelligbility...intellagibility...intelligent thinking (intelligibility isn;t a word, i think....wait, yes it is. Take the last spelling). The blood was flowing more and more away from his brain as the ominous female figure spoke (Jimmy is a freshman in high school). But, there was one thing that helped keep his mind focused. The Yoshi Story theme song (from the N64). It was so annoyingly adorable that once it popped into his head that the blood flowed staright back and he could confront the woman. This was a lesson that served him well in future years.
"Look! This is total bullshit! Also, it is impossible! How could you steal everything? There are people dying out there! Dying? Yeah, probably dying! Give it back!....Jerks!!!"
This intrigued the female (clearly the leader...am I right, guys!?). "Okay, but you must do one brave thing for me."
"Oh god," though Jimmy, "I'm not ready to give it up yet...although...."
"Ew! Not that!" Yelled the female, who seeemed to know what he was thinking (it was all over his face...that's what HE said!). "No, just, swim through this chasm of water! It's all pool water, don't worry."
"Wow, that seems simple enough!" said Jimmy, who was relieved.
"Oh, did I mentuon the man-eating sea cows? I could have sworn I did...mmhmmm."
Well this was it. The difference between man and not-man. Evolved and ape. Jumpman and Donkey-Knog. Felling it and not feeling it. Wow. This time, as Jimmy stepped up to the water, he heard chariots of fire in his mind. Dun na na na na na...ch ch ch ch....da na na na na....ch ch ch ch (you know how it goes....right!?). And he jumped in!!!
Ok, the problem was he only knew how to swim "correctly" from watching Michael Phelps at the Beijing Plympics. Really, he only knew how to dog paddle. Could this be the end of him? Probably not. It's my story.
He swam! Jimmy swam! There was some more swimming....
[Shot Taken]
Oh god! He made it! There were no actual manittiees. of, rather, sea-cows!! They don't actually exist. It's a myth. The man-eating ones at least. All of this is what the female told him. Let's name her Esther? Because Esther is what the perosn is who gave the suggestion of the story. Yes. She should be in it.
Ok, so Jimmy passed throuhg. He went swimming. This was refreshing. Also, it wasn't urine water. Which made it more refreshing. Is it enough? Yes, I believe it is.
"That was enough, youn man," saif Esther (see!? I told you!). "That is great! How about more swimming?"
"No!" Yelled Jimmy! "Fuck that shit! Give the ice cream and ppool water and whatnot...Coke? sure! back to the people!"
So, that is how it came to be. Esther, passed her irrationalizing the whole "stealing ice cream" thing, she pushed it back to the mortal world. METROID IS PLAYING!!!!!! WOOO!!!! I have never finished a game of metoird. I should. Samus is hot. I write this while listening to lyric-less mucis. that should be music. right?
sure.
So, Jews dont steal ice cream. Dont go away with that thought. Jerks. Racists.
SO!
Jimmy came hom with ice cream. Perhaps more cream than ice (I'm looking at you! Jimmy robertson, not Jimmy Lundgren. We should get lunch some time Jimmy Lundgren. Talk about Dolph). Anywho! he came home with ice cream and pool water, and such. It was great, Maybe he got head. Who knows. Probably. I know! He did not. Becaues Juimmy did not do that well in sports. Once again, jerks. Nerd are cool.
So! again, this happened. Jimmy came home, nobody knew what he was diong. But, he saved the world. Except Ghana, because they beat the USA at soccer. A game we just picked up. I bet the Netherlands are gonna win. Suck it, Stefan!!! Anywho. Jimmy's life was normal once again. Maybe he became president of creepy trench coat wearing men. Maybe,...either way, he grew up to be Brack Obama. So, let that be lesson to you! You could not have ice cream at dire moments and then become president of the united states. Are you freaking happpy?!?! Because I added barack obama, I made this blog soooooooo much cooler. Jimmy died.....in 2091. Ok, time up.....FINALLY!!!!!
After the scorching breakfast Jimmy threw on some board shorts and short sleeve plain white shirt, hoping that the thin layers would help cool him down. There had to be a way to deal with the heat of one intense Summer. Once he opened the door he was immediately knocked down by a gust of pure, molten heat. However, Jimmy was on a mission and could not be stopped by a mere force of nature, so he ventured forth.
First thought was the pool. His home lacking one he headed over to a park which is frequently inhabited by urinating children. Jimmy, however, was willing to take that chance if it meant he could be cooled in even the tiniest amount. Upon arrival, however, something was very odd. There were people at the park, but there was nobody in the pool. Further inspection revealed to him that the pool gate was locked with a sign that said, "Water Stolen Sincerely, The Management."
"What the...." Jimmy muttered aloud.
[Shot Taken]
Defeated, he quickly started to head back home, but was stopped when he saw a Rite-Aid. Ice cream!! Of course, it was so obvious! Rushing in Jimmy went straight for a scoop of his favorite, vanilla. He enjoyed the simplicity of it. However, once he reached the ice cream stand he noticed yet another sign: "Ice Cream Stolen Sincerely, The Management."
Well, then perhaps not a scoop but a whole container, so he rushed to where the cartons of ice cream are held. However, the exact same sign as before was taped upon the glass doors.
"This isn't fair," Jimmy thought. "How are these things stolen, I have to find them or else.....die? Yeah, I may die." It was just as soon as he finished this thought that he noticed something on the ground...something shiny. Jimmy was one to pick up shiny objects, and this was no different. It was a coin...but not an American coin. This coin was gold and green, and scribed upon it were the words, "Ai Laik Aik". Confused, Jimmy sauntered out of the Rite-Aid, hotter than ever, and staring at the coin.
He was no more than a yard away from the exit than he bumped into a tall man in a large, black trench coat. This bump was not unpleasant, however, for a cool breeze came over Jimmy when his body collided with the trench-coated man. This was the first refreshing sense Jimmy had received all day. Jimmy made his apologies to the man and started heading back home...or so he wanted the man to think. Curious about the breeze, he waited for the man to enter the Rite-Aid then Jimmy followed him, making sure not to be seen. Unfortunately, Jimmy had to try extra hard because his shirt was bright white and his shorts were of Hawaiian print.
[Shot Taken]
Staying at least 3 yards behind the man, Jimmy harnessed his voice lessons and made sure to breathe deep, so the man would not hear his breath. All the way to the deli, Jimmy followed the tall and ominous figure, noticing along the way that there were no water bottles for sale, nor ice, nor anything of a cooling nature.
In the deli section, the man stopped, Jimmy stopped and hid, the man looked around. However, Jimmy was much too quick for him and the man noticed nothing. He then turned back around, while Jimmy took up his courage and peeked around the corner, staring. The man lifted his hand, and as it escaped from the trench coat, Jimmy noticed two things. One, that the man's hand was purple with golden fingernails, and two, that he dropped a coin into the salami section that looked similar to the one Jimmy found, yet it was also purple and gold.
A door opened! Where did this door come from? Who knows. But, once the man stepped in and the door closed again, Jimmy set out to re-open it and find out what is going on! In Jimmy's mind, 'Eye of the Tiger' started to play as he dropped the coin into the salami. He waited...then, the door opened once more. The door brought with it a breeze that chilled Jimmy to the very bone, yet did not make him cold. He stepped inside and descended the stairs.
Of course, Jimmy was no fool, so he crept along slowly always watching his front and back. Who knows who could be here or coming here. At the bottom of the stairs he found an alcove with a little hole in it, which was perfect for spying...almost too perfect. But, Jimmy actually was kind of a fool, so he snuck into there. What he witnessed was a horrifying, yet pleasant sight. There was a whole chasm of water, next to a whole chasm of ice cream, followed by an entire chasm of soda and other bottled drinks (such as water, juice, and V8).
Feeling cocky, and noticing nobody around, he decided to get some ice cream and perhaps a soda or two (or 5). Sneakily, Jimmy crosse the shadowy field and ended up right in front of the chasm of ice cream. There were sherbets, sorbets
[Shot Taken],
and various creams. Indeed it looked like the most glorious chasm Jimmy had ever seen (though he hadn't seen very many chasms). He spent no time wasted on staring, however, and quickly started scooping various flavors into his mouth. Vanilla among them.
"Enjoying yourself?" whispered a voice that made him jump nearly out of his skin. For behind Jimmy was the man in the trench coat...but, not. This man's hands were silver and brown (gross looking).
"Carl! You let one in!" said the same man who froze Jimmy to the spot with terror.
Carl, the man with purple and gold hands, came up and said, "Oh....shit....."
Jimmy was in deep shit and he knew it. Before this the worse thing that had happened to him was accidentally getting an erection in gym. Which is embarassing, but not life threatening. Jimmy's mind raced and wondered what was gonna happen to him, but decided not run, like a sane person would have done. Instead he mustered up his courage once more and yelled (though in reality it was a voice-crackingly whimper), "Why did you still everything refreshing!?"
"My Boy," said Carl, who was clearly a douche, "that has nothing to do with you. Why don't you go home, forget about this, and play some Donkey Kong Country or whatever?"
"No! I'm hot and uncomfortable, and other people are as well! And, well, this is quite bullshit!" Jimmy couldn't even believe what he was saying. It felt like he was channeling Carol Channing or something. ALthough, who knows how much she cussed. Probably not a lot. So, maybe he wasn't channeling her. Who knows. But, he was fucked. He knew it. Carl knew it. Third guy knew it.
However, soon another, more soothing and feminine voice came from within the shadows. She was wearing a trench coat, but it was more form fitting. It made Jimmy think of that one time in gym....
"You found my coin, didn't you?" she asked Jimmy.
"What?" Jimmy sputtered, unable to articulate with his instant want of this voice. However, after a moment, he noticed her hands, which were green and gold. Similar to the coin he dropped in the salami.
[Shot Taken]
"Holy shit! That was your;s!' Jimmy accidently splurted out.
"Yes, it was. I left it for someone to find. To be refreshed. To...never leave and stay with us."
"Well...I guess that means I can have ice cream?" Jimmy was losing all articulation and intelligbility...intellagibility...intelligent thinking (intelligibility isn;t a word, i think....wait, yes it is. Take the last spelling). The blood was flowing more and more away from his brain as the ominous female figure spoke (Jimmy is a freshman in high school). But, there was one thing that helped keep his mind focused. The Yoshi Story theme song (from the N64). It was so annoyingly adorable that once it popped into his head that the blood flowed staright back and he could confront the woman. This was a lesson that served him well in future years.
"Look! This is total bullshit! Also, it is impossible! How could you steal everything? There are people dying out there! Dying? Yeah, probably dying! Give it back!....Jerks!!!"
This intrigued the female (clearly the leader...am I right, guys!?). "Okay, but you must do one brave thing for me."
"Oh god," though Jimmy, "I'm not ready to give it up yet...although...."
"Ew! Not that!" Yelled the female, who seeemed to know what he was thinking (it was all over his face...that's what HE said!). "No, just, swim through this chasm of water! It's all pool water, don't worry."
"Wow, that seems simple enough!" said Jimmy, who was relieved.
"Oh, did I mentuon the man-eating sea cows? I could have sworn I did...mmhmmm."
Well this was it. The difference between man and not-man. Evolved and ape. Jumpman and Donkey-Knog. Felling it and not feeling it. Wow. This time, as Jimmy stepped up to the water, he heard chariots of fire in his mind. Dun na na na na na...ch ch ch ch....da na na na na....ch ch ch ch (you know how it goes....right!?). And he jumped in!!!
Ok, the problem was he only knew how to swim "correctly" from watching Michael Phelps at the Beijing Plympics. Really, he only knew how to dog paddle. Could this be the end of him? Probably not. It's my story.
He swam! Jimmy swam! There was some more swimming....
[Shot Taken]
Oh god! He made it! There were no actual manittiees. of, rather, sea-cows!! They don't actually exist. It's a myth. The man-eating ones at least. All of this is what the female told him. Let's name her Esther? Because Esther is what the perosn is who gave the suggestion of the story. Yes. She should be in it.
Ok, so Jimmy passed throuhg. He went swimming. This was refreshing. Also, it wasn't urine water. Which made it more refreshing. Is it enough? Yes, I believe it is.
"That was enough, youn man," saif Esther (see!? I told you!). "That is great! How about more swimming?"
"No!" Yelled Jimmy! "Fuck that shit! Give the ice cream and ppool water and whatnot...Coke? sure! back to the people!"
So, that is how it came to be. Esther, passed her irrationalizing the whole "stealing ice cream" thing, she pushed it back to the mortal world. METROID IS PLAYING!!!!!! WOOO!!!! I have never finished a game of metoird. I should. Samus is hot. I write this while listening to lyric-less mucis. that should be music. right?
sure.
So, Jews dont steal ice cream. Dont go away with that thought. Jerks. Racists.
SO!
Jimmy came hom with ice cream. Perhaps more cream than ice (I'm looking at you! Jimmy robertson, not Jimmy Lundgren. We should get lunch some time Jimmy Lundgren. Talk about Dolph). Anywho! he came home with ice cream and pool water, and such. It was great, Maybe he got head. Who knows. Probably. I know! He did not. Becaues Juimmy did not do that well in sports. Once again, jerks. Nerd are cool.
So! again, this happened. Jimmy came home, nobody knew what he was diong. But, he saved the world. Except Ghana, because they beat the USA at soccer. A game we just picked up. I bet the Netherlands are gonna win. Suck it, Stefan!!! Anywho. Jimmy's life was normal once again. Maybe he became president of creepy trench coat wearing men. Maybe,...either way, he grew up to be Brack Obama. So, let that be lesson to you! You could not have ice cream at dire moments and then become president of the united states. Are you freaking happpy?!?! Because I added barack obama, I made this blog soooooooo much cooler. Jimmy died.....in 2091. Ok, time up.....FINALLY!!!!!
The beginning
So, this little blog is gonna be about drinking and story-telling. I will get a suggestion (from whatever means) and then write a story on that suggestion for an hour. The kick is, I will be taking a shot every ten minutes. Yes, shots of alcohol, not of insulin.
It should be noted, however, that I am not an english major, nor a writer. This is purely for fun, and it gives me a good reason to drink.................yeah.
So, enjoy it!
It should be noted, however, that I am not an english major, nor a writer. This is purely for fun, and it gives me a good reason to drink.................yeah.
So, enjoy it!
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